Poem - Lost in Silence
2004-09-21 at 10:35 p.m.
Blue eyed princess
you seem so peaceful as you sleep,
lulled by the gentle caress of silence
You're safe now,
I'm here.
Watching you,
my walls crumble and
I don't even have the strength
to wipe away these foreign tears.
I'll protect you,
I promise
I'll stay beside you
and fight away the monsters
and demons that threaten
to invade your slumber.
A glass portrait,
wrapped tightly in sheets -
so fragile,
I'm afraid if I trace your skin
with a delicate finger
you might shatter
between my fingertips
and I'll be left,
alone,
with your blood on my hands.
In my solitude
my mind dances behind translucent eyes,
questions demand answers
but only you hold the words to
these secrets.
Subconsciously,
I read the scars on my wrists
like Braille,
as my eyes trace the fresh cuts
on your delicate arms.
How did we get here,
to this place where
there seems to be no haven?
I've been where you are now,
in a hospital bed,
bandaged and monitored,
stomach screaming from too many aspirin,
liquid forced into veins
that no longer want to flow.
I never thought I would be sitting
here,
watching you sleeping,
trying to erase the image of you
trembling and crying;
apologising,
apologising to me for wanting to end it all.
That song that was playing
when I realised what you had done,
the note under your pillow,
the fear in your eyes,
little Jo-Anna's birthday presents
crashing to the floor,
my heavy footsteps on the stairs
as I frantically searched for the phone,
heart pounding,
tears stinging my cheeks,
all the nasty things
I ever said and did to you
flashing before my eyes.
It's almost a year since my little sister took an OD. I don't know what I would have done if she'd gone...